Savage Soliloquy: I’m The Shit

I was driving to work the other day. It was a nice day, sun shining and singing birds. It was beautiful. Normally, I drive past this coffee shop in the neighborhood. I stop there for breakfast sometimes.

SO, I am driving past the coffee shop and notice they are decking out the whole outside area. There were flowing white fabric panels all around the outdoor seating. (What do you call curtains that aren’t on windows?) The seating had fancy little decor too. Even the eternal pessimist in me was like “Wow, that’s pretty!” It was a great feeling to have on my way to work.

I felt a flash of happiness, probably just because I was able to catch this moment of beauty. This of course happened very quickly, in seconds. I turned my eyes back to the street i was driving.

I glanced over again while driving a second later. Only to see the house across the street from the beautiful decorations of the coffee shop…and…in the yard was a Labrador hunched over taking the mightiest of shits. I can’t be completely sure, but, i think, we made eye contact. It was….disconcerting.

The thought that flashed into my mind was This sums up my life perfectly.

I laughed and continued to work, but the juxtapose of those two images stuck with me. A gentle, but powerful moment of upper middle class beauty. A vulnerable, fat dog taking a dump that caused visible body shivers.

The Sacred & The Profane.

The problem since that day for me was trying to figure out….am I the dog? Was I the panel of fabric? Was I the shit?

I don’t know, but I learned a valuable lesson that day.

Keep your eyes on the fucking road.


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