I Have Knees!!!

I exclaimed, “Hey look! I have knees!” to the bewilderment of my boyfriend, because it was in the middle of a whole different conversation. You see, for the longest time, when I stood up. my knees disappeared due to my quads hanging over them. My legs kind of looked like they were inside out, because my knees go in instead of poking out like everyone else’s. It’s due to the fact that I am double jointed, and I used to be extremely overweight. I thought I would get them back after I lost the weight, but it is like the muscle built itself up and replaced all the fat that used to hang over my knees.

Now, this blog series isn’t going to be some strange saga about my journey to finding my missing knees. Over the last 8 years, I have been on a journey. I started losing weight 8 years ago. I managed to lose about 150 pounds. On this journey (that seems to be a never-ending battle), what I thought the end goal was, turned out very differently. The body I pictured in my head, was completely different from what I received. In many ways, I am very happy with my body. In other ways (like my knees), I am very disappointed. I also gained half of it back and now I am on my journey down again.

Sometimes, I think that it would just be easier being fat. When you’re fat, you’re fat. That’s it. People have come up with more “flattering” terms for fat people to make them feel better. Either way, there’s not many ways to be fat. When you are skinny, there are so many different ways you can be skinny. You also don’t have control over what way your body chooses to be skinny either. I had hopes of having abs and a petite figure. Nope, I am basically coke bottle-shaped. I am still pretty curvy. I lost my boobs, but my hips and ass stayed. I don’t think it’s anything special, but my partners always tell me how much they love my body shape.

When I did get down to my smallest weight, I still saw myself as a fat person. I never allowed myself to be proud of my accomplishments. I never actually took the time to really appreciate what I did for myself. I just kept thinking about the next thing I needed to do to get to my ideal self. I was too focused on hating my flaws and not focused enough on loving myself for them. I now look back at pictures and miss the person I was. I got a more sedentary job and my depression caused me to lose focus on taking care of myself. I gained 80 pounds back. I am super unhappy with my body. I want to use this blog to help motivate myself and others (hopefully) to keep focused. So I can find my way back to my smallest weight while learning how to love myself along the way.

I would like to post blogs about my journey, tips and tricks for weight loss, and different techniques for loving yourself. In the last 8 years, I was a Beachbody Coach for a few years and I studied personal training. Fitness has become a major part of my life. I don’t know if it can be an addiction, but I feel like it is. If I don’t workout or eat well, my body goes through withdrawals. This blog will help to keep me in check and possibly help others do the same.

I know it seems strange to have a health and fitness blog on a podcast site called Drunk N Deviant. That’s the thing about deviance, there are no rules and we do what we want to do! How can you properly deviate from the norm when your body isn’t feeling it’s best? So, stop over thinking it, read my blogs, take care of yourself, and deviate!!



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